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True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements.

The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth.

It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness.

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Of course the ability to search for people who meet our criteria is part of the appeal of online dating.

But while women say they have a "type"—they love bearded gingers or get off on guys in glasses—they don't filter out man who doesn't meet those specific physical criteria. It's a sweeping prejudice masquerading as sexual preference.

Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.

While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox! Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.

You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.

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